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Parenting - Career Versus Motherhood - Finding Your Balance!!
Posted on July 26, 2010 12:00:00am, by Gerrianne Clare
As a mom, there was nothing more challenging for me that finding the balance between my career and my family. I was working full time as a nurse in the Intensive Care Unit when my son was born. I took a maternity leave for 3 months to be at home with him. The thought of leaving him in a day care after that time was too much to bear. My husband’s job was in transition and this created the opportunity for me to stay at home full time with our son. We were incredibly lucky to have this happen.
Being at home full time was wonderful yet something was missing; I needed some outside stimulation. I loved my son dearly but I started going a little squirrely without a career to keep me interested. I wanted to create a career that would let me be home for my son throughout his growing up years. So I started my own business in a multilevel marketing opportunity as my first stint into entrepreneurship. My neighbor took care of my son for a few hours a week so I could work my business. When my son was eleven months old we moved cities and this necessitated my return to nursing. My career in nursing lasted the better part of 30 years.
I had many “aha” moments on my journey of balance between career and motherhood. 
The biggest awakening for me occurred around childcare. When my child care arrangements flowed easily and effortlessly, the children were happy and the child care provider was happy, I knew I was meant to be working the amount I was working.
However, when my child care arrangements became an issue, dissatisfaction started showing up in all areas of my life. For example, my job satisfaction would decrease, my children would be sick more often, they would cry when going to day care, the child care workers were cranky, and my husband and I were disconnected and unfulfilled in our relationship. It took me a few years of watching this cycle to realize that when child care became a problem, this was a sign that I needed to rethink what I was doing. It was tempting to overlook these signs and complain about the day care, the children’s susceptibility to illness, or my husband’s lack of attentiveness. However, when child care became an issue, I knew deep down that something was not right.
An example of this occurred when my son was 7 and my daughter was 5. I was working full time at a job that I had been wanting for years. We had hired a nanny to take care of the children and help out with house work. I enjoyed the job however, it was challenging fitting in everything with the kids. My husband’s job was incredibly demanding and he was home late every night. This meant that the majority of the family responsibilities fell on my shoulders. I did not resent my husband’s hard work as he made considerably more money than I did. However, the children were not very happy, the nanny was complaining about my son’s behavior (he was an active boy) and I needed to see a physiotherapist for persistent neck and back pain. Then one day the nanny quit. She wrote me a note while we were away on the weekend, took her belongings from the house and left. She explained to me that she did not like my son and that she had found a new job. I was in shock and desperate. What was I going to do? I found interim child care but I felt sick inside. All of my dreams seemed to be falling apart around me.
Then I needed to answer the question: how could I have been so blind that I allowed a woman to take care of my children who did not like my son? He was a rambunctious boy, busy yet so endearing. What was I not willing to see? Was my drive for career blinding the needs of my children?
I needed to regroup and figure out what my priorities were. I resigned from my dream job (which did not turn out to be that dreamy), wondering what my next career would be. For the next 9 months, I immersed myself in my family life, developed a deeper relationship with myself, deeper relationship with my children and with my husband. But most importantly, I gained clarity on what I wanted in my life.
At the end of the 9 months, I felt like I was ready to return to work. I called my old boss and just that morning someone had resigned from a part time position. She quickly offered me the position. Child care came easily this time, the children were happier, and the job was ideal for my circumstances at the time. Following my intuition, taking care of what I really needed to take care of and giving myself permission to work when it was right for my family created an ideal job for me that took care of my career aspirations for that time.
What do you notice when blending career and motherhood?
Does childcare come easily and effortlessly or do you notice challenges along the way?
Please comment on what you have noticed along your parenting journey when it comes to your career. Have you been able to find balance? What have been your strategies?
My story and my struggles are mine. I would love to hear what your stories are. When we start telling the truth about the struggles we face as moms, then other moms have permission to tell their truth. I was very lucky to be able to take the time to leave my job when I did. Not everyone has that luxury. If you do not have that luxury, how are you managing? What strategies are you using? If you are struggling with your balance, please let me know through the blog and I would love to support you if I can.
In my next blog, I will talk about my school age children and some of the challenges I faced along the way. Stay tuned.
Take care and I will blog with you soon.
Gerrianne
Comments
Posted by Darlene K on July 26, 2010 at 10:12:09pm
Family balance is not so easy....
But I found that the time we aloted to do things with the kids worked out very well ..Because it was all about the kids our focus was on them. We decided as a family to do things like on the selected weekend to go camping , we went to campsites that cattered to kids.. it would have a trampoline, places to ride there bikes, so tht also ment there was alot of kids there too , so they made friends... We did things around the kids so that life wasn't so bad because we worked or not together all the time... Even just staying home we listened to them and played with with them or read books or watched a movie with popcorn all curled up together on the sofa under a blanket....but when we were together ...it was quality time.... :)
Posted by Gerrianne on July 27, 2010 at 1:51:34am
Hi Darlene,
Great comment. Spending quality time together when you can is the key. Making the most out of those moments can create awesome memories. I know some of my clients find that they are so exhausted that when they are together with the kids, they don't have the energy to do much. I know there were many evenings that I was so tired I had no energy to interact with the kids in a quality way. Giving myself permission to simply watch a movie together with my family on the sofa was both relaxing and fun even if it meant I fell asleep. Take care