Parenting - A Journey into Your Soul - The early years

As I mentioned in my last blog when our son was born, I was totally in love. I found myself wanting to hold him and cuddle him all day long. I noticed I became a little possessive if friends or extended family wanted to hold him. I got to the point where I became very identified with him.   By this I mean, all of his achievements – rolling over, smiling, walking, talking and his behavior were a reflection of me and my abilities as a mother. 

 

I did not live close to any of my extended family when my children were born. My main support was my girlfriend who had an adopted daughter three months older than my son. She and I supported each other a lot through the early years of parenting. I remember when her daughter would achieve milestones I would want to hurry my son’s development to catch up because I thought it would reflect badly on me if he did not outshine her. This was something that my girlfriend and I needed to talk through because my competitive nature was getting in the way of our friendship. I was very lucky she was patient with me and could sense my insecurity as a mom.

 

My biggest aha moment as a mom during this time came in the form of my insecurities. I was desperate to get my mothering right. I did not trust my judgment. I would find a parenting book and eat it up to try to do parenting “the right way”. When I would try to parent by the books I read I would become incredibly discouraged because my children did not respond the way the experts said they should in the book. Instead of seeing the book as the wrong approach, I saw this as a failure of me to follow through on what “I should do”. Since I was such a failure in my eyes, I was exhausted from trying to do everything right and felt incredibly alone on this journey. I did not even want to share my insecurities with my husband for fear he would see me as unfit or not enough as a mom. This affected my ability to be honest and secure in my relationship with him.

 

It took me years to realize that I was the best parent for my children. Why? I knew them intimately, I carried each of my 3 children in my womb for 9 months, I cared them 24/7and I knew their personalities. With this knowledge I could judge for myself what parenting style would work best for my children. I certainly had different parenting styles to choose from because I probably read every parenting book known to man during the parenting of my children. 

With this realization, I can read the books for information and a different perspective, but then I can evaluate whether the approach fits with what my values and goals are as a parent. Unfortunately, I did not get this lesson until quite a bit further in my parenting journey.  Consequently the first 8 years of my parenting were lonely, challenging and not as much fun as they could be. 

Please leave your comments if any of this resonates with you. Take care and I will blog with you soon.

 

Gerrianne