Honoring The Agreements You Make With Yourself
Posted on November 1, 2010 12:00:00am, by Gerrianne Clare
This past weekend, I had the honor of accompanying a friend to the home of Don Miguel Ruis for a short visit and I was in awe. Being in Don Miguel’s presence and witnessing his authenticity was a gift. I will remember this brief visit for a long time to come.
Don Miguel Ruis wrote the book “The Four Agreements” which changed my life when I first came upon it some 10 years ago. These agreements are basic, important yet so challenging to make a reality in my day to day life. In this blog, I will give you a brief overview of these agreements and a little snapshot into what is true for me. Let me know if this resonates for you too.
The Four Agreements are agreements we can make with ourselves. If we did nothing else but keep these four basic agreements, we would go a long way to achieving the happiness we want in our lives.
These Four Agreements are: (quotations from “The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruis, 1997)
1. Be impeccable with your word – “Speak with integrity, say only what you mean and avoid using your words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your words only in the direction of truth and love”
How are you doing with this agreement? For me, I rarely gossip about others but when speaking kindly to myself, I have a ways to go. In my blog “How to be Your Own Best Friend” I outlined the challenges of holding true to this agreement in my day to day life.
I understand this agreement, believe in it deeply and yet I struggle daily to fully bring it into practice. Awareness of how we speak to ourselves is the first step in changing the quality of our conversations. Are you impeccable in your word?
2. Don’t take anything personally –“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be a victim of needless suffering”.
This is a tough one. When someone says or does something that is offensive to us, it is challenging not to take things personally. When we step back and realize the person is living out their reality and are reacting to their experience, then it makes it easier to not take things personally.
For me, to really live this agreement means I need to check in to my body, mind and emotions regularly, notice my reactions and ask myself why I am reacting as I am. If the words that come out of my mouth sound like “well, he did this or she said this….” It is a good sign that I am taking things personally and it is time to regroup.
3. Don’t make assumptions – This is a powerful agreement to make to yourself and also one that can transform your life and your relationships. “Find the courage to ask questions to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama".
Imagine what the world would be like if we did not make assumptions. If we asked questions instead of assumed we knew what the person was feeling, thinking or why they were acting the way they were acting. How many places in your life do you make assumptions? What assumptions have you made today that are impacting your beliefs and reactions to others?
4. Always do your best - “Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret”.
I love this agreement. It acknowledges that your best can change from moment to moment. Isn’t that the truth? If you are a single mom, trying to do and be all things for your kids, while holding down a job and trying to make ends meet, then sometimes putting your son into hockey, or daughter into dance class may be outside of your current reality. Your best at that time is providing for your kids in the best way you know how.
For me, sometimes I am overwhelmed with the demands of my work and I feel distant and preoccupied. Lately, my parents have been requiring more of me and I sometimes feel guilty that I cannot do it all.
To always do my best, means, I want to evaluate all that I have on my plate. Ask myself, “am I doing all that I can do with the time, energy and resources I have available to me” ? If the answer is yes, then I need to take some time to breathe into that reality.
There may be places that I want to do more, but the truth is I need to give myself permission to say NO and recognize my very human limitations.
The Four Agreements are very powerful pieces of wisdom and ones that I want to revisit and ponder. With these agreements in my consciousness again, my commitment over the next while is to practice following through on this wisdom as I go through my day. I’ll let you know what I notice.
What about you? Have you heard of the Four Agreements before? Are they new to you? When reading this over, what challenges do you face in honoring these agreements?
I would love to hear your comments and what you notice with trying to implement these in your life.
Take care
In love and friendship
Gerrianne
Comments
Posted by Holly Eburne on November 2, 2010 at 5:51:07am
Gerrianne, thank you for highlighting the Four Agreements. This book is at the TOP of my favourite 'personal growth' books. Every time I read it, I am at a different place in my life and receive different messages. The First Agreement is a big one. Awareness (of my thoughts & words against myself), then practise (kindness); awareness--practise. Living according to these Four Agreements has changed my life!
Posted by Karen St. Cyr on November 2, 2010 at 7:01:32am
A very good article Gerianne!
Posted by Gerrianne on November 2, 2010 at 5:20:00pm
Hi Holly,
These agreements are so powerful and yes they have changed my life as well. Getting to a place of honoring these agreements takes work but it is good work. Thanks for your comments
Posted by Gerrianne on November 2, 2010 at 5:20:31pm
Thanks Karen.
Posted by Katherine on November 2, 2010 at 9:52:07pm
Hi Gerrianne,
This post was timely for me - I was reminded today that the most important person to keep your agreements with is yourself. Here's a great Jim Rohn quote that John Nieuwenburg (W5 Coaching) shared with me today:
"We must all suffer from one of two pains; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons".
I've noticed that when I don't keep my agreements with myself, when I let myself off the hook and allow myself *not* to do my best, I experience that heavy weight of regret. I look forward to a day when I am disciplined enough to make the highest choice in each moment and carry more ounces instead of tons! Anyone else feel the same?
Posted by Gerrianne on November 3, 2010 at 10:02:47am
I love this quote.
It is so true that regret weighs tons and I also notice that the weight lasts much longer than the pain of self discipline. As I strive to make the highest choices in each moment, I realize how much lighter I feel in my body and soul as I honor those agreements.
Thank you so much for your wise words. Take good care
In love and friendship
Gerrianne
Posted by Sandi on November 3, 2010 at 3:19:54pm
The pain of discipline and the pain of regret..... I have NEVER heard it put this way before. VERY powerful! Very true.
I like all 4 agreements ... I have made notes in my journal. The one I like the very best is "Do your best, under the circumstances" That made sense to me. Being honest with myself in a positive caring insiteful way. I like it. My study continues. Thank you all.
Posted by Kate Harrington on November 3, 2010 at 8:11:38pm
I LOVE this post, Gerrianne! You are providing so much value and I am grateful for all of it. And it's so evident that what you provide comes straight from your heart (whereas I sometimes get a feeling of the author "trying to be" something in other blogs). Thank you for your authentic wisdom, and keep it coming!
Posted by Gerrianne on November 8, 2010 at 2:33:32pm
Thank you Sandi, love you are in the place of being honest with yourself in a positive, caring and insightful way. Keep going.
Beautiful work
Hugs,
Posted by Gerrianne on November 8, 2010 at 2:35:44pm
Thank you Kate for your kind words. Hugs to you G