Be Your Own Best Friend

Posted on June 21, 2010 12:00:00am, by Gerrianne Clare

Years ago I read a book - "How to be your own best friend".  I do not remember the author but I do remember how the concept intrigued me.  It is amazing how often I would speak to myself in a way I would not speak to my enemies let alone a best friend.  Our mind chatter or inner critic that dwells within can be very abusive. How about you?  Do you have an inner critic that likes to tell you what more you should have done or could have done if only you were more committed, more enlightened, more organized etc. 

How often do you give yourself a pat on the back, tell yourself you did a good job, or sing your praises to others?  If you are like most of my clients, you never or rarely give yourself any acknowledgement for a job well done.  Do you suffer from the "not enough" syndrome?  What this means is, no matter how hard you work or how good you are, you will never be enough, do enough or have enough to feel good enou

Ponder the following questions:

• “What portion of the time are you honest, trustworthy and respectful to YOURSELF? 

Do I keep agreements with myself to get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthily, meditate etc.? Do I spend the kind of time with myself that I need to feel good about who I am and what I want to accomplish?

• What portion of the time do you provide a safe, loving home for YOURSELF?

What does a safe and loving home for yourself look like? This is place where you are free to be yourself, you nurture yourself and appreciate who you are and what you contribute to the world.  Is the idea of appreciating that you are enough foreign to you?

This exercise is designed to help you develop awareness about how you speak to yourself, how you value yourself and maybe some things that you want to change.

The first step in developing this awareness is stopping and taking stock of what you notice about your relationship with yourself.  

Ask yourself "how would my friends and colleagues react if I spoke to them the way I speak to myself"?  Would I say to them “you are so stupid, what did you do that for, you are fat, you are selfish, who would want to be your friend when you do things like that, you are such a loser”.  Probably not yet these are common conversations people have within the recesses of their minds.

As soon as I started to recognize my self loathing behavior, I started to make the changes I needed.  I was aware of what I wanted to change but my old habits and patterns made it difficult to change.

So what does it take to learn to love yourself more?  The one thing that is vitally important is for you to get connected with who you are and what you want in your life.  How to do this takes some time and some commitment.  Taking time to be in relationship with yourself and committing to seeing who you are and the contribution you make to the world. If you do not spend time getting to know the beauty of who you are, you will only see that which needs to change.

So, my intention is that we break this down into manageable steps.  Your old patterns and behaviors may not change overnight but with your commitment and the consistent use of “in the moment” tools and strategies, change can occur.  It takes 21 days to change a habit.  If you are game, we can work on this together to help you get more connected with yourself  and live the life you want.

Stay tuned.

Gerrianne