Asking for help
Posted on October 12, 2010 12:00:00am, by Gerrianne Clare
Asking for help is not always easy.
Last week I wrote a blog about “doing it alone” where I described some of my struggles in asking for and receiving help and support from others.
On a business level it is easier to ask for help because the demands and expectations of the job often require outside expertise to make things flow smoothly.
When it comes to heart stuff, asking for help takes on a whole new level of trust. The comments on my blog last week depicted the struggles many people feel in simply asking for help. Reaching out and being vulnerable can be pretty scary.
I have asked for help a lot lately as I am building this business. I have been overwhelmed with my vision and all that needs to get done to achieve this goal.
Here is a recent example of how I had to ask for help, even when it was scary to do so.
Even though this example relates to my business, it deeply affected my feelings of self esteem and self respect.
A couple of weeks ago, I did a teleseminar to help parents navigate through the chaos of raising their kids. I was excited at the number of responses I had and to hold the call.
Up to this point, I was feeling pretty confident about what I was doing. However, the day before the event, someone gave me a suggestion about how to be more authentic in front of my audience.
Without thinking it through fully, I deviated from my plan, from my script and from my intuition.
Unfortunately the teleseminar did not come across at all like I envisioned. I was not responsive to my audience, I got stuck in my head and felt out of integrity for the majority of the call.
I was so embarrassed after the call that I did not want to ask anyone what they thought because I knew what they would say.
Asking for help is hard.
With my teleseminar, I did not want to ask for feedback because I was scared that it would confirm my mental chatter ( you don’t know what you are doing, you idiot, you are such a mess up) AND I did not want to further my embarrassment.
BUT, I did.
I swallowed my pride and asked 3 different people for feedback because I knew I wanted to improve, I knew I could do it differently.
The feedback I received confirmed my worst fears (the teleseminar was not very good) AND also gave me some powerful suggestions about how to improve for next time.
I was so thankful I asked for help, I felt relieved, more prepared and ready to try again.
When I ask for help, I choose my advisors carefully. I choose people who will not just tell me what I want to hear, I choose people who will tell me the truth in a loving, clear manner. I also choose people whose opinion I trust. The three people I chose were a client, a coach and a friend.
A good rule of thumb : listen to advisors who are 1) your clients or 2) your coach or mentor. Both of these people have an investment in seeing you improve. (Thanks Max Simon for this…)
This whole exercise of asking for help has taught me 3 valuable lessons that I would like to share:
- Choose your advisors carefully – ask for help from people who want you to succeed and do not fear telling you the truth.
- Find a place where you can talk about and release your fears. Even though I was embarrassed and my negative mind chatter was working overtime it felt freeing to get them out of my head
- Once you start asking for help, it gets easier. I was scared to ask, I was embarrassed but I knew I could do better and wanted to be supported in doing things differently. It was not so hard and I know I can ask again in the future.
Is there one thing you can do today that will help you reach out and get support?
What would that look like to you?
Can you find a trusted place to voice your fears, frustrations or embarrassments?
We are so accustomed to living life in the solitude of our minds.
Is there a way you can open up your mind and heart to let others support you? If you have ways that work for you, please share them with others.
Please Comment below with your thoughts of this.
Take care
In love and friendship,
Gerrianne
Comments
Posted by Heather on October 19, 2010 at 8:48:22pm
Gerrianne!! I can so relate to the feelings you described in this blog!! As an aspiring motivational public speaker, I know the difference between when I nail it and when I don't. There have been times when I've know I wasn't proud of the performance, or where I knew I could improve. I echo your comments,and I too have continued to seek support and guidance and ask for HELP! Every time I do - I am rewarded with a path to make changes that empower me to FEEL so good about what I'm delivering! Thank you for this phenomenal post!!
Posted by Gerrianne on October 21, 2010 at 4:48:18pm
Hi Heather,
thank you for your kind words. Asking for and receiving support from trusted sources is the best way to move forward in our lives. Some times I ask for support and am not really interested in the advice being offered. Bizarre isn't it. I think at times, my heart wants support but my ego is so into protecting me that I don't really hear the gold being offered. Realizing the times that I am asking for support but not really willing to take it in has been quite eye opening for me lately. Doing this keeps me alone.
Thank you again for your comments.